Galileo, Mr. Rogers & Learning to Love My Gay Neighbor

We're Sorry Galileo

Think about this for a moment.  The Roman Catholic Church didn't publicly acknowledge it was wrong in its condemnation of Galileo until 1992.

1992.

He died in 1642, living out his last few years under house arrest.

That's three hundred and fifty years.  Finally, three hundred and fifty years later Pope John Paul II worked up the courage to offer a papal "our bad" (not a direct Latin translation).

Now, let me ask you this:  in those three hundred and fifty years between 1642 and 1992, did the Church's unwillingness to acknowledge the truth of Galileo's theory and findings keep the earth at the center of the universe?  Nope.  Of course not.

The perception of the Church didn't nullify the truth of the reality. 

So, maybe there's another question in here.  Maybe the other question is this:  what makes us hold on so tightly to some ideas?  What makes us cling to some traditions so strongly?

Well, I know the answer to those questions because that's part of my story, and I'll get there in a moment.  But, first I have to talk about Mr. Rogers.

Mr. Rogers

By pretty much all measures, Mr. Rogers is about as good as you can do when it comes to accepting and loving others.  Having experienced firsthand the reality of being taunted and teased as a child for being sickly and pudgy, Mr. Rogers set out to make sure that didn't happen for other children.  Formed and fashioned by the work of Dr. Spock, Erik Erikson and others, Mr. Rogers wanted to create a world where children especially could be free to express how they truly felt, to have their thoughts and emotions verified, and to know that they had value inherit within them.   What he said to Michael Keaton in a 2004 documentary captures his worldview:

"You know, I think everybody longs to be loved, and longs to know that he or she is lovable. And consequently, the greatest thing we can do is to help somebody know they’re loved and capable of loving.”

So, when Mr. Rogers set out to create a "neighborhood" for children to enter and learn and grow, he set out to make it an inclusive space, a place of differences that were seen, valued and loved.

That's why he sought out singer and actor Francois Clemmons.  Fred wanted Francois Clemmons (that's Officer Clemmons to you and me) to be seen as an African-American man who was to be valued and respected.  At first Francois resisted, knowing how law enforcement officials could be seen by kids like him from neighborhoods like his back in urban Ohio.  But, Fred Rogers insisted.  Fred intentionally wanted people to see Officer Clemmons as a person of dignity and worth.

All of which is great.

Except there's more to the story.  There always is.

It turns out Francois Clemmons was also gay.  He tried to be otherwise, fit himself into a marriage that ended in heartache and frustration, tried to fit the mold others thought he should be in.  And, while Mr. Rogers was willing to push certain issues, this one was maybe a bit too much for a new show.  There was too much on the line.  So, Mr. Rogers politely asked Francois to keep that one little fact about his identity from the public and the press.  No need to raise too much of controversy.

So, for many years, Mr. Rogers went around telling all sorts of people "I love you just the way you are," but Officer Clemmons had to listen to him say that and wonder, "Yeah, but what about me?"

Mr. Rogers and Me

Turns out Mr. Rogers and I share a few things in common, I mean, besides the fact that he too was a Presbyterian minister.

You see, for a number of years, I found myself trying to hedge my bets and have it both ways.  I liked to see myself as open and accepting, but when it came to taking a stand on affirming gay and lesbian individuals, well, that was a bit controversial.  That was a bit too risky.  That's the kind of thing that can blow up your church.  That's the kind of thing that can drive people away.

There's this moment, though, in the most recent documentary about Mr. Rogers' life where Francois Clemmons realizes his friend, Mr. Rogers, really is seeing him and loving him.  Mr. Rogers says that line again to end one of his shows, "I love you just the way you are."  But this time Clemmons realizes his friend, Mr. Rogers, is talking directly to him.  And with a heart that is full (and eyes that are teary), Francois Clemmons recalls how incredibly powerful and life-giving it was to have Mr. Rogers tell him this.  It opened up a wealth of dignity within the man's soul.

Somewhere over the course of the last five or six years, my own heart has changed.  Little by little and bit by bit, any and all insecurities I had about acknowledging the dignity and worth of someone who is gay or lesbian has completely disappeared.  In truth, it goes back even longer than that.  I was blessed to know some really incredible people in my time at DePauw, including some of my best friends and fraternity brothers in Delta Upsilon, who eventually opened up about their sexual identity.  And in recent years, I've been blessed by some of the most amazing people who have been bold enough to share their own stories with me - men and women who tried like Francois Clemmons to put themselves into a mold that wasn't ever going to fit.  It changed me to hear them relay their stories of struggle, of hope, of praying, of yearning, and of eventually coming to see God's love for them unconditionally.

I don't even know how to explain it.  It just happened.  I just found myself sitting there one day with this deep awareness that I had no problem loving and accepting the person sitting in front of me for who she was ... for who he was.  Honestly, it felt like grace.  It felt right.

Our Traditions Are Valuable

But, let's get this straight.  I'm not perfect, and I'm not pretending that I'm settling this debate.  I've spent many years wrestling with the "issue" of homosexuality, and I think I know why.  This is the part that goes back to Galileo and the Roman Catholic Church.

My church family growing up has meant the world to me.  It was there in ways I can't begin to describe.  I can't imagine where I'd be without that community of pastors and mentors and families who were there to support myself and my family during tough times.  And, to feel like I would be betraying that family ... like I would be walking away from that tradition.  Ugh.  That was tough.  That tradition was stability to me.  That tradition was my home spiritually, and I don't say that lightly.

But, at some point, my worldview changed.  I wasn't looking to change my worldview.  At least, I don't think so.  Maybe Galileo wasn't either.

But once you see something, you can't unsee it, as the saying goes.

Our understanding of human sexuality is changing.  It has changed.  That's happening right now in our lifetime.  And I believe the deep invitation coming to us from Jesus is to not shy away from those questions but to enter into them more deeply ... more humbly ... more humanly.  In other word, more like Mr. Rogers.

One Last Word from Mr. Rogers

Now, though, there's one last word for me to remember here.  This one is really important.  Mr. Rogers was right in that interview and what he said to Michael Keaton.  The fact of the matter is that each and every one of us wants to be seen, to be valued and to be loved.  That goes for ... each ... and ... every ... person.  Including my gay neighbor.  But also my neighbor who still finds it hard to see this matter differently.

In the end, "the greatest thing we can do is to help somebody know they're loved and capable of loving."

~Wes